I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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