"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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