On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish i was in the wii world.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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