my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
