Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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