I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
