If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
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Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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