Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
