I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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