So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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