No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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