Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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