Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
