Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
