filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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