He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
