Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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