good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
