OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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