I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
