omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
