The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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