I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
