Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
