Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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