we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
