I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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