drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my being single is dangerous.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
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