he wants to bone in the snuggie
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
