I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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