I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
