I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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