You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who died my cat blue again?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
