My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
did i just pee glitter
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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