The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize