Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
