just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
