I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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