Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
