I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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