I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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