So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
