i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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