i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
