Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
