would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
