Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
