did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The Olympian is in my bed
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
