And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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