Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
