You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
