did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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