Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
