Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you remember whose house we're in?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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