I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
