What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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