it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
