matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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