Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
