what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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