spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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