i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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