I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
