Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
